When no one is looking.™

How many times when you are out and you wish no one is looking or scrutinizing what you do? Times when you kinda feel like digging your nose, adjust that displaced undergarment that is causing you some minor discomfort? The idea that you can just do something without being conscious of someone watching you. How ironic because I do that too. I like to watch people, wonder what their stories are. You know, the whole, sizing strangers up, second guessing their occupations, how they lead their lives etc.

But there is a thin line doing that and passing judgements. I have learnt how not to make presumptuous opinions of people, or pass judgements on people I do not know. Dunno, maybe because of my line of work and interest. In order to photograph someone well, you have to know their story, and then attempt to tell that story of theirs' via the pictures you take. And that requires some sense of objectivity and it's like starting on a blank canvas to be painted. You cannot afford to pass a judgement on your subject even before you click the camera. A parallel would be like, an accused is innocent until proven guilty.

I think to myself, it is impossible for people to stop watching. It is also impossible for me to stop watching. Everyone looks and everyone is still looking. Then there is a whole other flip side to the coin. What if they are not watching? They might actually be looking - the searching kind of looking. What if they look because they are searching for somebody? Then would you wish that people are looking at you then?

I actually don't know why I had such a neurotic thought about this today. But penning it down gives me a clearer perspective I suppose. In a day I will officially be encountering some kind of change, be it mental, physical, emotional, psychological even. Nonetheless still a change.

Good time to spend it with some close family and friends.

Julian Lee by Fotocology.™

We had a conceptualized test shoot on Saturday with our new equipment. These are the first set of the conceptualized shots I did for Julian. The softbox lighting was used in a very controlled and subdued manner to create an "aura of mystery" in my very own words. In some shots, we used a single softbox for the play of shadow and contours. But in some, you will notice a more balanced facial light up by using two softboxes instead of one. This is to complement the play on symmetry in terms of having a straight on portraiture. The fur coat also act as a "frame" of symmetry for Julian's face as well as the photo in itself.

We had some laughs and fun doing this, but it was tiring of course, while we took turns to be the subject of experimentation. For me, of course taking the photos was an easier role compared to being the model. I find that it comes naturally easier for me to be behind the lens. It feels like I already know what to do.

Fortunately, the air conditioning in my loft was working, and the industrial fan was kinda full blast. So we did not perspire much despite being in that fur of the coat. Julian even said he perspired so much more while being the photographer instead of the model! I like some of the following shots we took that displayed some principles of symmetry once again. Will put them up after I am done editing them.

I ended up watching a movie with FC earlier tonight. It's called The Brothers Bloom starring Rachel Weisz, Adrian Brody and Mark Ruffalo. The directing was very interesting, acting was great and the plot was intriguing. I love how the message eventually derived, in my own opinion, that Love, is the greatest con ever pulled off, where everyone involved, gets what they want. Rachel Weiz was really compelling to watch as the quirky and eccentirc heiress. Always great to see one of my favourite "B' line actor, Mark Ruffalo, doing something really different. Rinko Kikuchi (best known for her Oscar nominated role in Babel), was such a delight, adding such a stylisic taste to the movie. Great to see her again!

And then we have the end of Sunday, where all thing seems a little awashed with the coming of the slight drizzle. The air was acutely fresh as I walked took Bianca downstairs for her walk. Ryan will know by tomorrow which weekend he will be coming. Tonight, our conversation was different. He seemed to take the lead tonight. It's tonight, I really really wish he is here now.

Eski-ology.™

Ok, so Eski-ology was just a silly name that I came up with because I don't really have a title in mind for this. But we were really excited to try out our new elinchrom studio equipment today, and Julian was saying we should use a prop or something to play with while we snap some pics. So I suggested this coat that I have that is a little furry, because I thought it will add a little bit of dramatics to the whole thing.

The pictorials turned out quite nice, and more importantly we were pleased with the ease of us getting fully comfortable with our equipment set-up. After all, that was the main purpose of the whole shoot. I also touched on quite a fair bit of light play, angles, proportions and subject orientation with Julian. It was all in all a pretty productive and fun afternoon.

Gotta thank Jules for taking this photo of me, he was the one who suggested the one eye thingy. I thought that was pretty cool! Of course I photographed a cool set for him in return, but will get down to them when I am free. I love some of the symmetry shots we were experimenting, especially the ones I took of him. Hopefully they will turn out even better after some touch up.

What we both found joy in was that we kinda have a mobile studio ready already. That the studio hardware will go a long way in expanding our range of services and skills. I am excited about the whole thing and Kenrick is going to do his research on buying us cheaper battery packs from Pakistan.

My Saturday is gonna end with a midnight show at Lido. Transformers, even though I am not like a fanatic, I thought I will just tag along with some buds for the thrill of it. Ryan is watching Transformers tonight as well, 10:50 pm his time. We talked about him buying his airline ticket, so I guess in flash, we will no longer just be voices on one end of the country to another.

Fotocology Lights Up!™

So we finally invested and bought our way into the foray of studio. Cost us quite a bomb but we were smothered by our enthusiasm in getting the equipment today. Lugged it home and thanks to Julian who was the designated driver today! Really grateful! I did not drive because it probably doesnt make sense to have two cars in city during peak hours.

Our first trial "set" ended up eventually at my place. We just decided to set the softboxes and lights up just to test if they were all working fine. It ended up being lots of great fun, and at the same time, we made mental notes of most things we needed to. I guess my fur cushions on the couch finally can be put to good use! Kinda adds a luxe factor to the whole set up! I also thought the fire extinguisher kinda adds a certain disposition to the onset. Kinda makes me laugh really!

Am glad we settled for elinchrom because from what I observe, the quality is assured and it seems quite hardy. Now that we have acquired our basic studio needs, plans are underway to acquire the 2400 watts battery packs as well as a few other equipments, muslin backdrops and stands that we have been eyeing. It is our aim to be fully operational as a studio (both stationary and mobile) by 2012.

I am so grateful to have people like Julian and Kenrick by my side, who constantly believe in me. What you guys have done, and plan to do, really touch me.
You both have got my back covered. I really cannot ask for more and I can only thank you from the bottom of my heart.

It's been a really long evening and night. Spent most of it putting away the equipment after Julian left, and then ended up doing housechores and laundry. Spoke to Ryan for a bit on Skype. He seems cheerful today andt he was adorably worn out when he hopped into bed and we talked. Probably gonna call it a night after this and hit the sack. There was this whole drama about the collection of Fotocology's marketing collateral, which I am just too peeved to blog about. The printer company is totally unprofessional, irresponsible and totally lacks workmanship. But its over, and I am gonna let it slide. Focus on the big picture.

Good night! Gonna off those studio lights!

A Boardwalk Sunset Boulevard.™

The Henderson Wave was where I ravel in the little magic of a boardwalk sunset. It was charming in a way, because I rarely do something like this. The last two times I was on a treetop walk, was when I was studying in Australia and we were on a road trip, And once when i was in New Zealand.

The sunset was rather captivating, and I had full intention to capture the structural aesthetic of the "wave". However, they did not seem as attractive as what I saw. The beauty of the wood on the boardwalk as well as the people that were passing by. They all seemed to tell some kind of story and I found that more interesting. Besides, the "waves" shelter were occupied with many, there to watch the setting of the sun. So I pretty much planted myself flat on the floor, with my back against the wood snapping some photos. I think some passerbys might have thought I was crazy.

What made it extra special was that Julian and I actually had a very long day before we walked up to the wave. We were at various locations like the museum, fort canning etc before we made it to Hort Park. So the 2.4km up to Henderson Wave and 2.4km back down wasn't really all smooth sailing. We were tired, but we trudged on. Besides, the weather was socrching and humid. I wished we have weather like Perth's.

The climax came when we were near the wave, I saw Carpark 1 before relazing we could have drove up. I cursed and swear like a photographer ah beng gone wild! But I ended up taking it all in good stride. It was a great walk anyway! Come sunset, my calves were aching, but that wasn't the only ache I felt. Maybe because moments like these always gets you thinking. I don't like being in that moment anymore lately, because it just leaves you trapped. Literally, in a moment. But yeah, that's me. Always a victim of my own neurosis.

Good night...sleepy world. Am glad Bianca is in my bed tonight. Miss her for two whole weeks already.

To A Very Dear Friend...™

Julian sure looks happy doing this! I am glad I have him as my fellow shutterfreak mate. Come to think of it, we do go way back. We were PTP mates. Yeah, even before BMT. We kinda stuck it out for each other ever since. The memories we chalked up from army days and even after, in flash, amounted to 11 years. I never really told him, but I think he knows I regard him as one of my close pals all these years.

I admit I am guilty. For not being more in touch in the past with him and a few of my army mates. And for not taking the initiative more actively than Julian to constantly make sure a few of us stay in touch. For that I am grateful because I got to know him so much better over the years. We don't talk about it, but I think he'd be quite blind or deaf to not know about me, being me. I sense acceptance, and I sense he quietly awaits my coming out to him. In my time, my terms, when i am ready to talk openly about it to him, I will.

Hope this picture does him justice and captures certain spontaneous qualities about him. He has always been a trustworthy friend with an unassuming good nature. Of course, he has his woes and personal problems to deal with and we always talk about them. I wish nothing but the best for him and may good things come his way.
The very least, he has my friendship, for which I happen to cherish and keep close to my heart.

Untitled musings.™

That summer we held hands together. Now, the world is your oyster and I wonder how life is treating you. It's hard, returning to being a friend. It's like taking a back seat of the bus on an already bumpy ride.

Opposites attract they say. But, opposites will never meet. Perhaps, opposites are better than parallels still. Its painful to see each other like parallels, but can never touch. I'd rather never to meet, than not being able to reach out and feel you. We are, definitely opposites.

And now, I have found life after you again. A feeling that makes the flutter of the eyelids each day, more purposeful. Delusional is a possibility, but delusion is nonetheless still an imagery. It beats the canvas of white, or black depending on how you see it.

I celebrate the fact that I no longer feel the need to celebrate this year. The inner contentment seems to suffice as soul replenishment for every fibre of my being. Keeping dear to my heart are the thoughts of something new and something uncertain. Constantly pumping and beating to the rhythm I know so well, yet can't seem to dance along to.

Kinda ironic, for such a cheeky picture, I actually feel the need to pen a reflective blog entry. Just outta blue and totally exclusive from any relation to the imagery. This picture was taken and edited purely by my partner Julian. I have no hand in this one. So proud of him. And thank you for the picture. I look like a team of Dennis-es running out from backstage ready to perform a circus act of sorts!

Crossing The Border.™

Soon it will come July. A time of the year I secretly enjoy, maybe because it marks the official crossover to the later half of the year. Also, the weather will be a little gentler, not as scorching hot. There is this indescribable "maturity" to the later half of the year compared to the first half.

This July, I certainly look forward to. First up, Ryan Toamaki Constantine Downing is flying in from Korea for a weekend visit. He couldn't be away any longer due to his teaching commitments. I think at best, it will be Sat through till Tuesday. I am racking my brains to make sure he sees as much of Singapore within that short frame of time. But I concluded, we will be keeping it easy. I will just go with the flow and not plan too much. There is always this thing about leaving with the sense of "wanting more", that makes you realize, you actually like that place. And so far, only a few places I have visited had infused me this feeling.

Come later part of July, I will be in Kuala Lumpur for a wedding shoot. More like, a day in KL, and then 2 days in Putra Jaya for the wedding shoot at a resort garden wedding and then back to KL. After which, I will be catching up with Jonathan and a few great pals, and also Idrila and family. Idrila mentioned that I will be in KL like I did exactly one year ago. Because I attened her father's birthday last year on 4 August and I will be in KL till 4 August this time round again! How time flies! Definitely looking forward seeing her family again too. They took so good care of me the last time I was there. She has kindly extended an invitation and also insisted that I stay with them this time round after my work is done. I can do with the short break as well.

The picture, I must say, someone must have seen this coming! With all my experimental "seeing double" what and what not pictures! Haha I like the cheeky run and twirl across the garden thing! A little tongue-in-cheek! Oh well, I am not always a happy summery person all the time. So this is kinda gratifying and memorable for me. On a larger scale, I am looking forward to experiment a few more photos with this style. Maybe just for the fun of it! You won't know when you might need to use it. An exhibition perhaps?

Sliding Fotocology Doors.™

As if one of me is not enough of a menace! Two of me might just be weapons of masive destruction. Just kidding! Sliding Doors, the movie starring Gwyneth Paltrow was kinda my inspiration for this. She stars as Helen Quilley, a Londoner whose love life and career both hinge, unknown to her, on whether or not she catches a train and the movie lets us it both ways, in parallel. I have always liked this movie. The treatment was great, the mood was set rather tastefully. And you often wonder, what could have or what could not have happened If what you did or did not do were based on a set of calculations, decisions and actions on your part.

Maybe was thinking what if there is a plot that mimics the Sliding Doors but a little different. From a gay and straight perspective? Where one is hetereo and the other "twin" a homosexual. As one takes a peek into the different lives of both of the same person in the same society. What kind of treatments they receive individually because of their identities? The places they visit, the kind of jobs they have, the people they date and the trials and tribulations they face separately. Hmmm and I wonder how far can I take this. Albeit, a fleeting thought, but hey, I kinda dig the idea! And why not, cast a super hot one for a movie like this, and you get to see twice as much, with two different looks! Great acting range for him I'd say!

Had a fruitful day today, getting some photos done and some paperwork for wedding shoot prep. Only thing I am unsettled about is the collection of the Fotocology corporate CDs which I have to squeeze in with Alexis. I am excited with the plans for Fotocology ahead, so let's slide some Fotocology doors! Also there is the purchase of our studio equipment with Julian. I hope the stock comes in soon by end of this week.

Gonna be a busy weekend before I turn a freaking year older.
I am not daunted, just a little rain on my parade because it will be the last year before I enter a totally different "league"!

Yes, laugh all you want!

Taking Leaps & Talking Bounds.™

So I went to the National Museum of Singapore today with Julian for our photo shoot research. And we had a really fine day. I knew one day i will end up taking a shot of myself doing something like this. It was something I know I wanted to do - that is, to just keep jumping and leaping without a care in the world. So thanks Julian for helping me nail this! We had a great time choreographing a series of this shot, in front of this great muriel of sorts at the museum! I won't forget how many times, we prances, jumped, danced, twirled and lept before we got what we desired. All under the hot scorching noon of day sun!

I don't remember when was the last time I have been to the National Museum. Not since its refurbishment of its facade I suppose? There was a certain aura of calm and quiet that totally suited me. The diligent central air conditioning also totally made me a fan of this place (pun intended). Although we were officially on work matters, we eventually decided to have some fun when we passed by the muriel.
I mean why not? The day was great, the sun was blazing, the grass was dry and earthy, the sky was clear and blue. It was one helluva fine day I would dare say.

So, the leap of faith huh. Not that it daunts me, to jump into some things that I am not even sure of. Because I have been doing it all my life! Some leaps just pay off and some just land you in awful potpourri of shit. While I understand we were taught that slow and steady and even baby steps usually is the way to go, but times where hurdles present themselves, you just got to take that jump. Leaps, covers distance and crosses obstacles. It is ok to take them, just not with your eyes closed all the time. And if you fall, probably learn to pick yourself up. Having said that, responsibilities, commitments and obligations may bound us from taking those leaps. It is important to weigh what in your heart and mind and which is more important to us.

Ryan is probably coming in July. It is going to be a whirlwind weekend but I am gonna make the best of it. I am ecstatic but I don't show it.

I just leap and prance and twirl.

Twilight Night.™

We turned around the bend at Keppel Bay and I saw a perspective I immediately felt for. I knew I had to try to get that shot. The colour of the sky was lit with the generous compound lights.
A hybrid of rich purple from the blue of the night and the threatening tinge of red of rain. And I saw stars. One that shone so bright it was hard to not notice nor resist.

I did something really cheesy. Something I don't normally do. I closed my eyes and made a wish. Yeah, a wish, upon that very star. And then I prayed. For many good things that will come, upon my family and friends and myself. I don't remember where or how I found the strength to close my eyes and just hear my very own breathing and thoughts. I know it sounds silly, but it was actually a very surreal moment for me as I recalled. Something within tells you that you still have it in you to be optimistic and you questioned, where did all those years of hope and fighting spirit go to? I drew strength that night. In a very quiet and unassuming manner.

Something so beautiful about the night, I just stood there and gazed for quite a while. For the longest time, I actually heard myself speak inside me. I felt that inner peace, I keep hearing everyone talk about. It was sensual, it was calming, it was everything I have not felt for a while.

Not that I had any phenomenal epiphanies or anything like that from just standing there. But I do remember one very natural thing. The thought that came to my mind when I stood next to my tripod and camera. While taking the shot, I thought..."Yeah, I must bring R here."

Someone, just slap me.

Diamonds In The Rough.

Sometimes when the going gets tough, you just got to bite the bullet and trudge on. Darkness falls extremely quickly after sunset and it's easy to lose your way if you are not careful. The journey gets a little lonely and you just do not see an end in sight even though you keep walking. Fortunately for some friends and loved ones akin to the street lights that line the long and winding road. They are just like the guiding lights on this very arduous journey.

They shine so bright, they are like diamonds in the rough.

Recent events have left me a little shaken, a little disappointed. But we all got to accept that some things just don't work out and that people always have differing opinions and takes on situations. In light of that, I feel, sometimes its not so much the situation, but the human elements that make it all so complicated. Friendships as important as they are, do not imply that I have to bend my back to succumb to admitting that it is my fault when it's not.

Just when you feel a little lost out there in this crazy world, something concrete comes along and reins you in. Now, not only am I lost, I am held on to one place. With nowhere to go, I find myself observing and admiring the view. There are, many diamonds in the sky, just which one choose to shine for you, is completely up to your own perspective. Let's just say, there is definitely a star out there that shines particularly for you and you only. The star that shines the brightest may not, necessarily be the one that shines for you. Look for the diamond that speaks to and shines for you.

And speaking of diamonds, my cousin Silas is getting married this weekend. After everything he has been through, I am so happy that he is settling down. Feels abit surreal attending my younger cousin's wedding this weekend. Honoured that he has requested me to be one of this "brothers". I have not been a "brother" before, and I have inadequately played the role of his "brother" for the past 20 odd years. I do hope this is the beginning of a change. A step towards bridging gaps that tie the family together. Maybe being the only child, and knowing that I won't or may not be having a family of my own in future, Slowly I find the dire need to keep my existing family members close.

They are, after all, the diamonds that will shine the brightest for you in the roughest of rough.

And speaking of roughest of rough, Happy Birthday to my dearest friend in the whole wide world, Jamie, who shines the brightest for me during my darkest moments for the past 17 years.

Fotocology @ Keppel Bay, Singapore.

I don't often do landscape shots, let alone night shots. But I am glad I was at Keppel Bay with Julian. Had a really quiet time, enjoying the still of the night and exploring the yacht bay during the shoot.

Keppel Bay, is a charming waterfront that houses a smart fleet of yachts and sail boats for the discerning. Prive, a new york style restaurant bar is also located there, with a great seating overlooking the bay. The architectural facade of the club house, at certain angles (well, at the angles I snapped anyway), resembles a butterfly! Which I thought was kind of enchanting in a way.

I enjoyed the photos as much as just being at the waterfront. Will put them up when I get the time and energy. The night was just beautiful with the bridge overlooking the still waters. If one looks hard enough in thw blog featured pic, one can actually see a star or two amidst the clouds. The clouds were in, at the right place, at the right time, overlooking the bridge structure.

Guess, one couldn't ask for more. Except, maybe someone special to watch it with.

Dedicated to R.

Fotocology's Work Is On Straits Times!

Fotocology's work for Saraceno Ristorante is on today's Straits Time Life! P.g. 26. Entitled Italian Revival, Saraceno was one of the Italian restaurants being reviewed in the Sunday Times. Feels great seeing the 3 food visuals on papers! Whoever chose the photos to be published is probably on the same page as I am. Because they would be the ones I choose too.

Thanks Mark from DNA Comms for the great shoot. And also to the people at Saraceno for making it possible with such great culinary expertise. The review was pretty in between, with some good bits and some not so good bits. All in all pretty average but in a positive tone!

But I do hope the photos will do its part in dressing up the spread that they can offer! They do really have a great team of Czech chefs that can create a fantastic food spread. I had such a great time digging in during the food photography session.
I certainly hope the photos did them proud! They did me proud as well with the fantastic coverage with the photos! *beams*

Its a great feeling! Happy Sunday!

Theatrical Drama.™

I dare say I do love drama. Not a big surprise. A bunch of artists out there do thrive on them. Not so much the emotional rollercoaster dramatic waves, but more of dramatics and impactful visuals in that sense. I find photography, in that aspect, pretty hard to master. I constantly grapple with the art of capturing something in the moment, or simply capturing something already pre-planned, for effects.

Probably what I take away from the thought process is. There can never be a perfect combination of that two. Maybe there is, but very rarely. I believe that both cannot and should not be amalgamated nor compared.

You want it spontaneous? Fine, go with it. Don't even plan anything. Just go for the feel and enjoy "feeling" it. If beauty and aesthetic is what you are after, everything prim and proper and really cutting edge. Go ahead. Plan it. Execute it. Make sure everything is in place. Don't think of spending so much effort in planning a set just to capture a "natural" moment. Its like, spending a few thousands dollars going for plastic surgery just to look "natural".

Lately, I just feel like bucking trends. Whatever. But of course, that doesn't always go down well in every decision I make. Maybe, its just a phase of sorts. Last a couple of days? Weeks? Months Who knows? What I find really cool now, is imperfection. But then again, it has always been my working philosophy eh?

I just had a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine, also a photo enthusiast. We concluded that, because I, who is usually not apt at snapping beautiful models, nor men with stunning features or bodies, will not churn out really fashion-edged nor stylish editorial pages like many photographers do. I like working with what I have, or turning something obscure into diamonds. Ordinary faces into extraordinary. Maybe personally, I find more intrinsic satisfaction in that. But one day, or rather, soon, I should branch out into something else.

What inspires me lately? Drama. Bold colours, big movements, operas, heat waves, no mincing of words, courage, passion, darkness, speed, fluidity, frustration, strength, power, envy, volume etc etc etc. Ah, in a weird place right now definitely.

A quote I came across that simply lived in me today. "I love people who are like teabags. You never really know how strong they are until they get thrown into the hot water."

Tres magnifique.

Star Trek & Strawberry Sundae.™

I spent the whole of today really focused on editing the bulk of the photos from the last few shoots. I stepped out only to grab a takeaway for lunch, and ever since then, I was plonked on my chair the entire afternoon. Am really pleased with what had been accomplished from the afternoon, even though, I would have continued futher if not for the tired and watery eyes. I could have gone on, but quality will be compromised.

This picture kinda reminds me of the base of a spaceship or something. Once again, I am having a deeper interest when it comes to architecture and design. An aspect I seem to have paid less attention to, considering the fact that my photography interest and forte stems from the human faces. But I am glad I still eventually got round to this and the exploration of what is in store is always a treat.

Had a craving for strawberry sundae in the later part of the afternoon. I mean considering the really harsh weather of late, it is forgivable to want a popsicle or a sundae in the afternoon no? Ordered the sundae from Macdonald's and of course, I had to cave in a order a meal as well just to make it all worthwhile! Spent some time reading up a little more on Star Trek and the movie. I definitely want to watch it again, for Spock and Kirk! And the under-rated Hemsworth, who by the way, has been casted as Thor! I am pleased!

Off to take a nap and rest those tired eyes before carrying on with what I have to do. Managed to reply Naomi on her wedding shoot in July and we have more or less everything in place. I will be in KL from 29th July till maybe 3rd August for a wedding shoot as well as to catch up with some friends. Gonna see if I can squeeze in some time to catch up with Idrila and some KL friends as well. Good to get out of here to get some new perpective of things.

Starting to get a little stifling around here.
Even the weather is suffocating.

Music of the Night.

Been dealing with quite a few talented and creative musicians of late. Just late night was a hundred plus of them. Fotocology covered the concert of ACJC choir at The Esplanade. Hours leading up to the concert, the rehearsals gave me so much quality time to explore angles.

I had time to enjoy what I do. Standing in the middle of the hall, the magnitude of it overwhelms me. As the choral ensemble delivers such mystical music, it fills the entire space with such aching beauty.

Because of the architectural aesthetic of the concert hall, my lens took to the place like a duck to water. I absolutely indulged in three hours of quality photography. Every moment savoured without questions.

There was a moment, when rehearsals was over, and I stood on the stage alone, facing the never ending deep hall and brights lights, the massive ceiling looking over me. I felt the smallness of me. It was very humbling, and yet the feeling was indescribable. And no, I wasn't about to start channelling my Susan Boyle persona.

Thank you Patrick for such a wonderful project. I absolutely adore. I have started collecting stage passes! More pics to come!